At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
