you win again, gameday.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
