made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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