I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
