How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
