You can't motorboat a personality
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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