Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
