You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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