you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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