I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Farmville is her only friend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
