So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
