thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You need Xanax blowdarts
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
