Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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