soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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