We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize