I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
