i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
