omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
