you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
