oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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