What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
