I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
