My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
