This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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