You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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