just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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