I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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