I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
