oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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