He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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