He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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