Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
