i barfeds in our rink
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
