Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
