This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
