I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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