moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
