she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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