I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize