Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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