I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
