Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
