I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
