Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The air was thick with penises
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
