i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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