cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
