I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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