You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
