So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
