you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I believe in your delicious
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize