he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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