so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
