she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
