he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
