I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
