He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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