she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
