Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
