so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
