I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
