this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
