Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
