sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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