My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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