i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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