i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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