have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
