thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
