he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
