I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
