having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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