hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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