You can't special order awesome
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
