My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
