just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
