That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
