those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
