Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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