Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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