It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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