someone get that fucking seahorse.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize