Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do herpes really smell.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Please don't give away my fajitas
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
