The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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