How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
